Tuffer, my dog, was put to sleep on November 15. It was horrible.

Then last week one of my closest friends passed away. It was tragic as she was only 36 and had two small children. I helped her family with the memorial and trying to get her apartment cleaned out.

A member of my family ended up in the hospital last week. He's doing OK, but we were very concerned for a while.

Please say a prayer for all those needing more compassion and love in the world right now.

RIP my friend Rosanne and my beloved dog.

I have mentioned in a previous post about my dog. He is actually the dog I share with my ex (we are on very good terms, he is one of my closest friends.) I am asking for prayers and good thoughts/positive energy. Last year I had to put my 14 year old cat that I had had for ten years to sleep. Now, though, it's Tuffer. He's been coughing up blood, and the vets put him on antibiotics and took xrays. Well, the xrays came back and now it looks like it might be lung cancer, which usually is present when there is some other form of cancer that has metastacized. He had an ultrasound which was inconclusive, and he as an appointment with an oncology vet.

I'm a big believer in prayer. I was blessed to have Sammy for ten years, and he had a long happy life, but Tuffer isn't even six years old yet. I love that dog so much and I am not getting the message from him that he was ready to go. So, please, say a prayer for us.

OK, first off the bat, let me just say that I have a healthy respect for things metaphysical and alternative. I have had acupuncture (successfully in some cases), I have used holistic remedies for ills (big believer in Echinacea, and Nettle has been an AMAZING alternative to antihistamines this year). I believe there is more to the universe than what is in front of us, mostly because of my own experiences as a high-level empath.

But that being said, there are a *lot* of charlatans in the world that prey on the unwary, ignorant, or just plain gullible. Case in point, yesterday I was at the store I work in on the weekends, and an older woman came up with an unusual looking pendant on. I commented on it, and she told me it is a "Q-Link". She wears it to protect her from "computer rays."

Needless to say I was a bit stunned. "Computer rays"? So I looked it up and found this handy dandy little page:

http://www.badscience.net/?p=413

Final analysis:
"Oh, hang on, I get it: it's a new age crystal pendant."

I've been pondering betrayal recently, different kinds. Of others, of self, of principals. I had a relationship end in the last year that left me bereft. Not from heartache...let me amend that, not from *catastrophic* heartache. More from the standpoint that I tried so incredibly hard to do all the "right" things in this relationship and I still couldn't make it work.

So, after 9 months, we broke up. I got over it, but six months later he just popped back into my life. So for another month we sort of acted like friends. All via email, no phone or live contact. And at the end of that month, I sent him a birthday gift. It wasn't expensive, or highly unique, but I did put a bit of thought into it. And he really liked it, and told me I was awesome. And then he went back to radio silence. I have no idea why, and at this point I cannot say I care.

This whole situation has led me to question many things . After our relationship ended, I decided to get therapy for my own issues, such as setting and adhering to healthy boundaries, and learning not to be overly defensive.

I guess the whole thing just really makes me wonder why anyone would go *that far* to totally kill all possibilities of any sort of future relations. I mean, he didn't have to email me out of the blue. I would have been just fine with the way our relationship had actually ended. But complete and utter sabotage. And, it has me questioning my own judgment. Oh well at this point I can only move forward and know that I will never deal with him again. Ever.

Mine is the dolphin. I am going through some personal work right now, and the link below is amazingly spot-on.

http://wolfs_moon.tripod.com/dolphintotem.html

I found out my totem eleven years ago. I had an acquaintance who had the talent to be able to meet someone and instantly identify their totem.  When she told me that mine was the dolphin, it was a "duh, of course!" type moment.

I live three blocks from Lake Washington. Growing up I lived a couple of miles of the shores of Lake Erie. I love to swim, sail, and boat in general. Water is calming to me. When I was growing up I would venture to the lakeshore and let the waves wash the worst of my anguish away.

I love living in the Pacific Northwest.  A lot of people think San Francisco and the Bay Area exemplify the values of the west coast, but I would disagree. For the very simple reason that very few people can afford the lifestyle of the Bay Area. It is almost 25% more expensive than Seattle. The average home cost is over $700K. Seattle is half that. But Seattle is gray and gloomy for 8 months out of the year; I won't deny that. But it doesn't bother me the way it seems to a lot of others.  I think part of that is from growing up on the Great Lakes. Lots of clouds. But gloom does often inspire introspection. I'm proof of that.

Mother nature forced me to slow down the last few weeks with a major bout of bronchitis. *hack*.  But in the last few days I've come to enjoy a sense of peace and more acceptance of myself as a person. I'm not sure what the reason is, but I'm much calmer. I'm also feeling more inspired to write. (My new year's resolution was to write SOMETHING each week, be it a short story, article, or work on my manuscript.) I'm also planning a trip to Europe in the fall, including a houseboat on the Seine for a week or so.

I'm doing well at work, and have been "nesting" at home lately with new furniture and decor. I'm going with warm colors, reds and golds. New chairs, new rug, new sofa, and paint. I'm just so tired of white walls! It's inspiring for me to be able to get something done. Perhaps it is spring, maybe it's just a period of introspection and and creativity. Whatever it is, I'm appreciative of it!

I've been working the last several weeks with an energy counselor on learning to let go of some negative energy I've accumulated in the last year. A lot of it has to do with my most recent breakup, but much of it goes much farther back.

One of the things I have been doing is trying to "reprogram" how I react to and feel about certain things. In this particular instance, I created a mantra which I repeated to myself several times a day and follow up with memories of times which reinforce the mantra for me. I first started trying this a year and a half ago, and it seems to work for me.

I wonder if it would work for someone that is a smoker or has some other addiction they are trying to overcome?

Have you ever noticed when things in your life seem to circle around, so that a thread that you thought completed reappears in your life tapestry several years later?

I'm a firm believer in "Cosmic Signposts", signals that the Universe/God/Fate put in my life path pointing me down one path or another. I have gotten both large, glaring "signs" and subtle ones. I've learned to recognize them and understand that if I choose to follow them, I will most likely have a life-changing experience.

I have recently been feeling like my life is about to enter a spiritual "growth spurt". I can sense these changes when they come around, and the process has already started. Where it will take me, I don't know, but I will try and let the will of the Divine guide me to where I need to be. I have learned to surrender certain things, and when I do my life becomes so much richer and fuller. Not always without pain and the fire of my symbol, the phoenix.

I made the decision/commitment to adopt a kitty from someone I was referred to. My own cat of ten years, Sammy, had to be put to sleep in July. It was heart-wrenching, not the least because my ex-bf was with me and we had just recently parted company.  The incident did spark a brief reconciliation.

Anyway, I have finally gotten to a point where I'm ready to open my home up to another kitty. I share a dog with a different ex (we are still very good friends), a 5 year old golden retriever named Tuffer (you can check him out in my photos section.) But being someone that has a lot of love to give, and not having a family/SO, having a pet allows me to express and emote to another sweet being on the planet.

I have allergies, and asthma, but having pets means more to me. There are meds I can take for my illnesses, and the wonderful benefits I derive from being a pet guardian more than outweigh the conditions.

This is the second blog I've started in the past TWO DAYS. But that's ok. The other one is highly professional to my "day job". Which is, I might add, as a recruiter at "The Biggest Software Company In The World" based in Redmond, WA. I work on the R&D Staffing team, and one of my clients is the Social Computing group. Which is a personal passion of mine.

It is hard to believe that I'm living in the age where technology and people intersect in such an incredible way. I am not quite a techojunkie, but I do try and stay up with trends and technologies. I have a passion for it. Life changes so quickly in the fast lane of technology.

There is a new young singer in the UK, Sandi Thom, who has a song I adore:

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker WIth Flowers In My Hair.
Check it out. I heard the song for the first time on a Tuesday and found out she was in Seattle in concert the next night, and I went. This young woman is a true singer-songwriter and I think she will re-energize the scene of Indie music in the years and months to come.

OK, time to go link zaadz to my primary blog. I think I'll be switching some of my deeper meanderings on my life, psyche, emotional health, etc to Zaadz; after all, that's what it's all about ;)